I’ve spent close to 30 years in the movement. For me, it is a double-edged sword that has been plunged deeply into my soul. On the one side is the excellent method for living well that continues to inspire and move me — its own kind of wound. On the other side of the sword is the emphasis on community. This hasn’t been easy for me. My own frailties collide with the frailties of others, constituting our CL communion within reality and all too often wounding me deeply.

This wound from both sides will not be healed in this lifetime, but I am at peace with this. The only salve for the wound of this double-edged sword is Love. With this Love I go to our diaconia, I go to SoC, I pursue charitable work, I reach out to CL friends, I ask Fr. Giussani for help. I have been obedient to nurturing the call to grow in this place.

This past October, out of a sense of (what I now know was inspired) duty, I went to the National Assembly. Though I had been to the Spiritual Exercises in several different states in the US, I had never been to anything at the national (let alone international) CL level. I went with fear and trembling because this is exactly the kind of place where community is difficult for me. At events like these, I often feel intimidated, isolated, and everything but belonging. But I went, and I’m glad I did.

On the first night, Christ the God-man, the Lover of my soul, appealed to me on a whole new level and reassured me that all was well. I did belong here. Besides Jesus Himself, what appealed to me there was the richness of our CL culture. There were many moments of experiencing this culture: the talk on politics, learning a French song in less than 5 minutes with over 200 people, witnesses of faith that didn’t skip over suffering. I saw the opening of faces and hearts over the course of four days. My roots were replenished after 28 years of belonging to the movement! It was a miracle that I wasn’t expecting, or even asking for.

Thank you Fr. Giussani, thank you Jesus, thanks to all who made the Assembly an exceptional time. It has helped me rediscover myself and where I belong — it was truly a supernatural intervention. The Beginning Day text, in point 2, “A Lived Communion,” refers to this experience, describing it as “the removal of an obstacle to feeling moved.”

Just like any mountain top experience, three months later it is fading. So I must continue those concrete gestures of the School of Community, charitable work, etc., that are significant for my faith, with that salve of Love that keeps the wound clean. Now I know more than ever that my belonging to CL – and everything in my life – is to be lived as an open question.

Teresa, Broomfield, CO