Each one of us made it to the CL family vacation wrapped up in our own solitude of worries, concerns, and even objections and complaints. Our small group arrived at the venue, surrounded by friends we had encountered over the years, longing for missing faces and different places; each of us clandestinely questioning our decision to come and wondering if Christ would show up here, with these people, many of whom were under the age of 10. But being children of Father Giussani, we took our questions seriously, coming with a willingness to be open, to question, to work, to learn, and to pay attention to ourselves and each other.

Eating together, praying together, playing together, something beautiful happened among us as the days unfolded. Every day we began with the question of “freedom,” and soon it became clear that we also needed to understand “dependence” because “freedom is dependence on God” (The Religious Sense, Chapter 8).

Watching the children we could see this battle between dependence and freedom play out, especially among the youngest. During our trip to a sliding rock, we watched several youngsters sliding again and again and again, all by themselves down the rock, plunging into the cool deep pool and crawling out and back up to satisfy again that ache for happiness which is mysteriously connected to wonder and awe and adventure and fear and speed. As we watched them, we longed for their freedom of play and imagination.

For two of the toddlers, their dependence on their parents was constantly at play. These two could not really talk, but could nonetheless articulate their needs. One little girl often wandered away from her mother and yet toward something that caught her attention. Her big blue eyes looked up at many of us on her travels, and when we heard her call out in fear or confusion or frustration, one of us would help her find her way back to the one thing she knew she needed – her mother. Another little toddler was often very confident in pursuing his desired food, toy, or circuit for wandering during Mass. When frustrated, his scream could be heard for miles, but nothing was louder than his screams for his mother if he was knowingly being kept away. If he could see her but could not have her, there was no consoling him. Words could not have expressed his desire and dependence more clearly. And yet, seeing this child made me wonder at the fact that Christ chose to model dependence for us all by becoming not just a child, but even a tiny growing fetus, totally dependent on a mother for everything!

So what happened to our small group on this vacation of paying attention to ourselves and others? We learned that freedom can be found in our openness to others, in our availability to answer the needs of others. We learned that dependence can be lived as a following of what is given, whether that be the generosity of the hosts, the simpleness of the proposed work, the mysterious continuity of the lessons, or the unexpected deepening of our friendship during these days. We learned that each of the families was a gift to everyone because of the way they stayed present to each other and the way they allowed others to be present to their needs.

Here is more of what we said to each other at our final assembly: “The kids were easy to love and opened me up…I learned during these days that I am free to be myself… because this is my family… A distance was broken. God challenges my freedom with a proposal in reality and he does not expect you to do great things but simply to take a risk, expose yourself, pay attention in the group to what happens – not to what I want for myself but together with others. This verification never ends but you can always go back to your regular attitude. I was asked to sing, and I do not normally sing but that risk opened to a beauty I normally do not see… I go home full of this friendship … and finally … In front of this gaze I have a desire to restart.” We came, we followed, we played, we learned, we loved and we returned home more open, more available, more whole, more free.

Phyllis, Landrum, SC